Love, Loneliness, and Disillusion?

think im going to start putting a "topic sentence" before every post.
gives ppl a idea of what im actually going to talk bout right?
just rewatched "gravitation"...
i don't know..
after watching it,
im relooking at my life,
or more accurately,
what i have achieved...
not much.

besides making great friends.
which i feel im losing,
a little by little.
granted,
i always miss them,
and i see them time to time.
the mjcians and the floorballers are fantastic.
but im really losing touch,
with reality,
with myself,
and every friend..
and with god?
i don"t know bout that...
i gotta get back to reality..
with the whole world..
i mean..
is this what they mean by being lonely?
i don't think i am, really.
i could contact my friends or classmates...
but i don't.
i should, really.
i think im just saying this,
cause im truly envious, of true love...

an emotion that has been sorely lacking in my life.
i know i don't love anyone yet.
i feel it. and this icy cold,selfish me at times, is terrible...
and i've been like this, for a long time..
perhaps i've become like this, without verisar,
to remind me to enjoy life.
to care.
i want to care for someone.
care so much so that i'll do
anything, someone that means more to me then a passing crush,
or a fling,
someone i could love,
with a white-hot passion,
someone i could really really sacrifice my everything for,
someone whose faults become invisible to me.
someone i love, someone i truly love.
For all the love songs to start to make sense to me.
i understand the concept of love.
I've seen it,
i've heard it.
but i haven't experienced it...
so how can i
say i understand it?
but somehow,
im scared of opening up,
to give,
to worry,
to care,
to know,
to fight,
to cry,
to know,
and to ultimately, love.
The elusive emotion,which poets try to gasp with their words.

Liz
-give it all back to me.