shut up
12:09 AM
I wanted to just shut up and not talk about it but I guess I really need to let it out. I mean
people have bigger problems as compared to mine. Guess it's my blog and I can let everything out right? Dont read if you dont feel like.
If "Are you okay?" is on your mind? Nah, I am fine, just physically tired that's all. I had a real nice conversation with a dear girlfriend today.
I have come to realise that I am such lousy person. I think I contradict myself - as a Christian. Look at me, what's coming out of my mouth says a lot about my lousy job of being a God's child. Obscenities are spewing out of me like as if it is part of my everyday language. What is wrong with me? My spiritual slump was seriously hit a all-time low this time round. I might as well just declare myself as a non-Christian before I seriously tarnish God's name. I really feel like a Sunday Christian that's all and I think it's really really IRONIC to act so spiritual and all, especially when I am a supposed leader of the fellowship. HAHHAs Pris, just go and die. I think being introduced to the floorball scene isnt helping much either. It just made it worse. You are suddenly so caught up with all the worldly matters that .. I dont know.
My temper's really bad nowadays. I think the whole world's hypocritical, myself included. I need a break from u. I need a break from the world. I'm starting to bitch like nobody's business, not that I dont keep personal stuff to myself, but I'm actually stabbing people. I'm not a good friend. I'm such a bitch.
I dont know what exactly is the point I wanna bring across.
I wanna drink. I wanna club. I wanna lose myself in things so unimaginable. BUT I know it's all wrong. Like Jill said, because we have God, our conscience is awaken. I feel so tied down. I feel so immature. I feel so weak. I feel so lousy. I feel so insecure. I feel so alone. I feel so tired. I just want someone to hold me. I just want someone to hug me when I cry. I just want someone to listen to me. But I'm just looking for it in all the wrong places. Frankly, I think I am just desperate because my girlfriends are there. I'm seriously looking in all the wrong places.
Oh gawd, what is wrong with me. I am crying so easily.I'm breaking up. I'm falling apart. HELP. help. I think there are things I need to settle within myself. The thing is I dont even know what are they.
oh, the ferris wheel.
