A lost vision, a shifted focus.
I know today's occasion but pardon me for not knowing it was combined.
Pardon me for not knowing the venue.
Pardon me for not being involved.
Pardon me for not being informed.
Pardon me for dressing appropriately for the program.
Pardon me for the lack of commitment.

The video brought back memories. But, it was just memories that didnt struck a chord in my heart. The absence of me in the recent photos is completely my fault in not being there. The only thing that was ringing in my head was my anxiousness in getting back to my books and LEE's face haunting me. Mum's right. I should just concentrate on my studies and take leave. It's just 3 more months. It's a short time.

Browsing through fellow floorballer's blog, I found similarities in the way the teaching (and non-teaching) staff handles PTM. I should probably tell you how my meeting with LEE along with my parents went.

He smiles to my parents but his face turns cold and unfeeling drastically when he looks at me. He even told my parents that the box of tissue on the desk was specially prepared for me to cry. He was expecting me to cry!
"Come in," he commanded. My nightmare just started.
I am to explained why I fared so badly. I am to explain what I did on the previous night. It was a Friday night. What do you expect from someone who has just finished her competitions a week ago, trying to catch up with her delayed work and finding some luxury time online. URGH. He kept rubbing in the fact I was ONLINE. Anyways, he gave tips on how I must "spend 4-6 hours on weekdays, depending on what time I finished school, and 10 hours on the weekends." That's just for revisions. What about my homework?! ... He said the school appreciates my contributions to floorball but floorball cant get me a University entry. He said that I failed as a role model for the younger athletics. Meridian wants their athletics to be all-rounders.
Elitism, damn you.
He blamed me for not doing Floorball enough by not applying what Floorball should have taught me - the perserverance, the determination, the self-discipline. Why is that I can commit to floorball so eagerly but not to studies. Anger seared through me. Dont compare floorball to studies. Floorball was an escape from studies. Of course it's different. Floorball is a team sport, not the individual competition against the thousands of us to get into the University. I hate being in an individual thing.
He told me to be prepared to put in a lot of hard work.
"Are your ready and willing to put in hard work?"
"..."
"Answer my Priscilla, are you willing?"
I am scared to. The magnitude of "hard work" is mind-bloggling. What if I cant take it? I am not sure if I can.

My head was thumping. The room was spinning. It was hard to concentrate on him and that made me a bit of emotional. I held back. No way am I going to cry in front of him, and my parents. The teachers think I have the potential to do well IF I put in hard work. Hard work. He informed me that I am in dire situation because of the 3 Fs and asked me what I have got to say for myself.

"I still can make it."

I still can.
It's just 3 more months - of sheer hard work.